"how are you feeling?"
"Bit spacey...."

The room seemed in a softer focus in comparison to when I walked in an hour ago. It seemed like a general two bed ward in the hospital. I had to concentrate a lot to lift my left arm up to grip the joypad and couldn't wait to get in it on the bed again. My body felt relaxed but I wasn't in full control. The first couple of tasks, guessing which object was to lead me to a reward, and find the reward based on a small area with landmarks as guides, passed fairly soon although I could not remember too clearly after they removed a few landmarks. Nearing the end of the task everything seemed to come back and I wondered if I was given the placebo dosage. I attempted to joke but the words came out slurred, the assistants laughed politely and I was not sure if joking was practical, or even coherent.


Then everything was hard to bring into focus and I asked for my glasses for the next test. They put my hand in a box and used a machine to stroke both a rubber model of a hand and my hand with a paintbrush, although how true this is I could not tell you. They covered my arm up, with the increased dosage affecting my senses, I could not tell if my arm was actually going numb or I was just thinking that. One of the assistants laid out a ruler on the box and asked where I thought my right index finger was. I hadn't a fucking clue. I just made up a number to get it over with. I once flexed my thumb and I'm certain I saw the rubber hand move.


I was asked some questions and just murmured the answers. I was basically laying as far back as I could and my eyes were difficult to keep open. Even with my glasses on I couldn't make out anything clearly. I struggled them off and put them on the table in front. Onto a time based test, I fumbled my glasses back on; I had to guess what time I pushed a button, or what time a tone sounded. I was trying to be as accurate as possible but concentrating on the clock was difficult at best and my eyes felt more comfortable in drifting asleep.


The computer was moved out my way and I took my glasses off again. A monitor was placed in front of me, as well as a keyboard, and was asked to guess which circles had more contrast - tap 1 for the first one, 3 for the second one. I could barely move my limbs; the assistant had to place the glasses on my face. The circles appeared on the screen and I could hardly see them. They flashed past my eyes and I just hit 1 or 3 in a hope that the test would soon be over. A nauseated feeling swelled up for the second time in my stomache - the first time was silenced with some sort of "anti-sickness" injection, however the second time was not so lucky. The doctor placed a sort of upturned cardboard bowler hat under my face and a cup of water on the table.

I moved my head between the two, submitted and said "can we stop?".

They asked if I was sure. There was three more tests to go.

One side of my brain was asking for it to stop. The other, greedy side said "we need the money", a view I reflected to the doctor and assistants. They said "You'll get paid anyway".


Coming rapidly back into stable thought, the doctor asked me some questions based on my experience while a minimal dosage was still slowly infused into me.

"On a scale of zero to seven, did anything seem to move in slow motion?"
"Excuse me..."
I purged my stomach into a the aforementioned film noir staple and the infusion was removed all together.

"The good thing about Ketamine is that it's a rapid drug, you'll start to feel fine in five minutes"
The wide angle, hazy vision of the room slowly transformed into the ward it once was. A nurse asked how I wanted anything to eat. I replied that I couldn't think I could manage it, and she offered the staple of a cup of tea instead. I replied with my usual "eyyyyyy" and thumbs up remark. My speech and thoughts became my own again.